Shatterproof
4.5 "One more tomorrow is better than none" Stars
I just want to take a minuet to applaud Xen Sanders for writing this novel and opening himself up to his fans and new readers. Writing about something so personal and close to his heart surely could not have been a easy feat.
The journey about Grey Jean-Marcelin is a story about defeat, hopelessness, loneliness, love, and redemption. But not only on Grey's part, but also in the man who's name is Xav "Saint" and who opened so much within Grey and got something so special in the end.
Grey had a hollowness deep within himself, nothing seemed to ease the void of purpose. As an artist he could paint in vivid colors and make life bright and bold, but that was no longer the case for him.
"Everywhere he looked, everyone he turned to, he saw people living with these strange, quiet voids inside them, desperately seeking beauty and yet never finding it..."
So he found a way to make the void feel less like a trap, to keep everything in his mind quiet, and continue living through his paintings. That was the only way he could live through his paintings and the misery would no longer be felt. But it seems like he would fail at one more thing and the careful planning would be botch by his failure.
Recovering from his suicidal attempt Grey finds himself with an unexpected visitor the EMT that helped to keep him alive. Unsure of what his intentions are or why he's in his room at the hospital he waits for the man the is an enigma to him, and when Xav speaks to him it only surprises him with an unexpected answer to what he has been hoping to achieve. Only Xav wants to know the reasoning behind why he wants to die.
"I think I'm afraid to know, Xav said."
"Why?"
"Because if you want to do it... I can help."
The only draw back is that Saint still isn't sure why he's offering this, Grey obviously would never believe the story behind his help. Saint still isn't even sure himself how he got to where he is now, with missing piece about his life, he only remembers the lengths of his so-called magic.
"I don't know my real name. I don't know where I came from. I'm over two hundred years old. But sometimes I start to fall apart. Sometimes I grow weak, faint. Until I fall in love. They always die."
With each person he loves, the death of his departed transfers to his own health and renews the weakness he feels. With it all comes the guilt. The hoping that it will never happen again, that they will live on, and that he can stop it. Only, it has yet to occur.
Grey and Saint's story was one I adored. Even though Grey might be broken and helpless, he stands for the one thing he wants. No longer seeing a purpose of the life he leads he'll take it all away by his own hands, the only thing that he never expected was to see a light that is so bright, so vivid, and so real, in the one person he never expected to find it in.
"I'd rather the last thing I know be a world of colors, full and beautiful."
And Saint was just that for him. Saint was giving him want he wanted, but Grey gave Saint something his past lovers never did. Grey saw him. Saw him as who he really was and loved him for it.
"A broken, bitter, lonely monster, who couldn't pretend to be whole anymore."
And with every realization brought to Saint he knew that the others before him never cherished the time they spent with this wonderful man. Never gave him a chance to really shine over them. But Saint did that for him, he saw everything in that man and fell for him even if it might be too late.
I truly loved this story. Both Grey and Saint were perfectly imperfect for one another. They both had their weakness' that they shared with one another and they both loved their messed up qualities and insecurities. Making it a perfect recipe for an epic love story. But behind the love, was the strength and recognition that our imperfections are the ones that make us who we are, and the people who choose to love us with them are the light to our darkness.
ARC provided by Riptide publishing through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
